There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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