Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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