when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
