i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
