Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
