Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
