he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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