I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
