apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
