i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
