I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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