dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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