wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize