you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
