i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
