When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
