I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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