How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
