think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
