Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
