You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
