return my video game
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
