She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
