we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
