There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
