As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
