He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
