WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
