Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
