theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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