stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
