grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
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