my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
