8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
