That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i black out too much to be "responsible"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
