Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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