Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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