you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
