My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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