my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
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