Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
