In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize