Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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