Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
