I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So much Jack, so little girl.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
