Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize