I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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