you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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