she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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