I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
