i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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