so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you traded sex for a burrito?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
