Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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