I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
