I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
