a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
