youre lurking in front of me
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
