so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
