I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
if only i could text you this smell
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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