Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize