I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
