VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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