I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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