Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize