i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
