So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
