after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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