the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
