So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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