So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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