So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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