??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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