I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
