Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
