I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
