You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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