we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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