The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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