On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
