My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
