she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
