My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I will be naked everywhere
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
