girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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