Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize