Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
