We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
